Okay, I know I am supposed to be positive, but I have had nausea all day and I have been very depressed. I know I have to stay positive and keep my head on straight, but today I did a poor job of it. I have been driving my children crazy today as I repeatedly kept saying I was sick. Yes, I am not helping myself. I feel like I fell off the wagon or something. I do not know if it is just the nausea or the frustration of my final results taking so long and having to wait for chemotherapy. I do not mean to feel sorry for myself, but today I did. I am kicking myself tonight and telling myself that “I am going to be well, I am going to be well, I am going to be well.”
My son wanted to take me for a walk today, but I did not want to go. As I look at the day I really wasn’t positive today and I needed to “Stop and smell the roses’. When my daughter got home from work we all went swimming. Of course that was after my drama about nausea and my daughter having me eat toast and ginger ale. It was pretty cold by the time we swam, but I did exercise in the water for about 15 minutes. My children even had me go see the Movie “Magic Mike”. Wow those boys were sexy! I feel bad though as I coughed for much of the movie. That was very frustrating. The movie was filled with ladies of all ages and it was like going to a strip club. It was very nice of them to take me out.
We got home awhile ago and I had some yogurt as I really still feel nauseated. For some reason yogurt seems to help me. I also like hot tea with lemon and saltine crackers or dry toast when I am nauseated. I ended up having to take anti-nausea medication tonight. I feel a little better, but not great. I am going to do my best to enjoy the weekend. I can hardly believe it is almost the 4th of July. Time flies more and more. To a brighter and healthier tomorrow.
I waited all day to get my repeated biopsy stain results only to find out that they are not in. Therefore, no Chemotherapy this week. I really want the final biopsy results to be finalized. When the biopsy result are concluded, my Oncologist will know for sure what chemotherapy I need. He wants to be 100% sure it is Peritoneal cancer as a primary. I pray that is it as that is bad enough. I have to tell you that the waiting is very stressful and it is hard for me to keep my head on straight. I am doing my best to keep positive.
I did go swimming and sit in the sun this afternoon. I felt pretty good then, but this evening had a run of shortness of breath. I know my hemoglobin has been low and anemia makes you short of breath. I did take my iron today and all my routine of vitamins and minerals. I ate a salad with spinach, avocado, tomato and shrimp today to get some of my cancer fighting foods. I also started taking Chor oxygen again. I had run out. I like the Chlor oxygen as it helps clean the body.
Well, everything happens for a reason in life and I was just not suppose to start chemo today. I really do not get these golden years, but every day we are alive is golden so maybe that is how to look at it.
Remember to “smell the roses” and enjoy all around you.
Today, it was much warmer and my son and I went swimming. I had waited all day to find out if I am starting Chemotherapy tomorrow and I did not get an answer from my Oncologist, so we figured it was off for this week. It was time for me to get moving!. It felt very good and I enjoyed the vitamin D from the sun. It is important to get a little sunshine. The water is great as it is low impact, so while I was swimming, my arthritis pain was low. Tonight, I am exhausted, but it is a good kind of exhausted. I recommend swimming if you are in a lot of pain due to the low impact.
I ate well today. My daughter made me Oatmeal with raisins in the morning before she had to go to work. She had a mishap morning of the coffee pot not working and going all over the counter. Then she got a cup of coffee out of it to take to work and when she was rushing out the door, bumped it and it flew across the livingroom. I get frustrated when I see how hard it is for my children to work and take care of me. I am so lucky to have them. It is very difficult for them to do their work, live their lives, care for me and take care of the house, chores and try to make the bills. This month they had to spend so much on things I needed, that my daughter does not know how to make the mortgage and my son does not know how to make his rent. I get so frustrated that it costs so much to survive. I keep praying for health, but we still need financial help as well. As I say to myself, “My cancer is going away, My cancer is going away, My cancer is going away and Money will come, Money will come, Money will come.”
Let me share a good recipe….For dinner my daughter made pasta with artichoke pesto she got at Trader Joe’s which was about $4.00. She added margarine, garlic, Italian parsley, and shiitake mushrooms. It was delicious. If you like artichoke and mushroom, you will probably love this. Remember to eat your veggies.
Get some fresh air and exercise.
My son had me go for a walk today. I must say it was more difficult than I expected. We only walked 5 blocks, but it felt like 20. I know I am anemic and it is making me short of breath. I have to take iron daily to build up. I still have pain in my abdomen today. It is aggravated from my cough that I just can’t seem to shake. I really want to feel better and I am frustrated. I feel very full when I eat and I have to force myself to eat. I wish I could get my last results so I can start Chemotherapy and get on the road to recovery. I know I am eating right and taking vitamins and minerals, but I will feel mentally better when I start treatment.
My son made me Mediterranean Sea Bass for dinner with endive and boiled beets. It was very good and all good to beat cancer. The Sea Bass was flaky and you do have to chew it a bit, but it tasted similar to cod. I had endive with only lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper. It was not as bitter as I expected, but I still need to re-acquire a taste for it. I love beets, especially fresh boiled as they are so sweet. I have been drinking Trop 50 blood orange juice and it is delicious. It is a challenge eating healthy, but I am working at it each day.
I have had many nice people I do not even know, who are praying for me and I so appreciate it. I pray everyday. For me this is important. No one ever said life would be easy, but I would like a little bit of “easy”. Looking forward to a good day tomorrow for all. Eat your endive, sea bass and beets.
I am very happy that I finally broke my constipation of the last few days. The only thing is I have had bad pain across my abdomen and it has been freaking me out. I keep thinking, SHIT! I HAVE CANCER! I keep telling my self ” I am going to be fine, I am going to be fine, I am going to be fine”. I can’t keep my brain right today….lets say it again…Cancer go away, Cancer go away, Cancer go away. I just have to keep telling myself. Its just been that kind a day.
My daughter made me vegetable chicken soup before she went to work this AM and my son made me greens. They were very good and helped my bathroom troubles. I really did not do much except rest today as I have had too much pain, My jaw is also still bothering me from having my tooth pulled. I have been drinking all my juices and each day I drink a glass of Green Apple Odwalla, Carrot Juice by Odwalla and Mango by Odwalla. These and the greens are very good. I also drank alot of good earth tea today and of course, water. I never used to drink very much water, so this is all new for me. I realize if I do not hydrate enough, I feel worse. So be sure to drink alot of fluids, juices and veggies. Remember that shitake mushrooms, asparagus, onions, beets and artichoke are excellent if you have cancer.
Tomorrow I need to get walking as my Oncologist wants me to get strong for chemotherapy. He said is is important to keep active as much as possible….Its that Mind, Body, Spirit with diet and exercise. I am tossing in holistic medicine and of course the Chemotherapy. It seems like such a long road. I know I can do this. I will succeed and survive. I am going to have to push myself to get strong. I am going to get strong, I am going to have to push myself to get strong.
Okay, today my thoughts are no matter what keep on pushing yourself.
I got up today and my daughter wanted to primp as we had a birthday for a relative that is 96! It is amazing to reach that age and still be doing well and be able to function on your own. Our Aunt is a beacon of light for all of us to follow. Anyway, my daughter had me sit on our deck in the sun and have coffee and juice. She then said she wanted to color our hair, so we showered and she colored my hair and hers. She even did my make-up. I know how much my children love me and I realize I am very lucky to have them. My son, daughter and I went to the party and had a really nice time. I was difficult talking about cancer, but I did all I could to be positive and keep it together. It felt strange in a large group, but everyone was very supportive. I lasted about four hours and then I was so exhausted, my daughter had to take me home to rest. I am still having swelling, bruising and pain in my jaw from my tooth being pulled. I was not able to eat much due to my jaw pain, but it was just a very nice day.
I am having a lot of jaw pain today and my jaw is swollen and bruised. It was already difficult to eat and now it is worse. Actually, it is worse than yesterday as my mouth “woke up”. My children have been doting over me all day with ice packs, juices and getting me to eat. For most of the day, it was yogurt and soft fruit with protein drinks. Later in the day my son made me a soft turkey sandwich with BBQ sauce which was really good. Tonight they made me eat shitake mushrooms, spinach, red onion and scrambled eggs with some tomato. It was very good and filling. Of course I am constipated again and just finished some prune juice. I even had OJ earlier with vitamin C packs and Magnesium powder, but that was not all. I even had Miralax in Green Kiwi juice. I expect a revolution soon. So for anyone who needs tips, these are mine for constipation.
I had a bit of a freak out this afternoon and worked on my will. I plan to be fine and go into remission, but know I also need a will. I have to keep my head on straight as. ” I know, this cancer is leaving my body, this cancer is leaving my body, this cancer is leaving my body”. Yes I am going to be fine and live a much longer life. I am very wiped out today, so I am keeping today short. Keep laughing and live each day to the fullest.